There are times when we don’t show, don’t want to show, and cannot show our feelings. In the work place, in social situations where protocols or etiquette would make them inappropriate, or in situations where we need to hold things in, perhaps temporarily, for the sake of others. But often, we have become too conditioned to hold our feelings in, hide them, and pretend that everything is ok. We bottle them up and we ignore them. Or we numb them through a variety of bandages like shopping, drinking, binge TV watching, or video games. We do not give ourselves the space to feel through them and fully process them.
In recent months, I have been thinking about this more. I am a sensitive person. I have a lot of feelings. And I often try to control them, not show them, and not talk about them. I mean, I have the worst poker face, so people can often tell from my face alone what I am thinking and feeling. But I am not talking about those quick WTF moments here, I am talking about feeling through and processing my emotions on a deeper level.
Recently, I have given myself permission to feel more and to share more of what I feel. Often, in moments when I feel low, my immediate reaction is to do something to distract myself from that feeling. In recent months, I have tried to practice more gentleness in telling myself it is ok to feel this way and encourage myself to feel and think through what impact that emotion and feeling has on my mind and on my body. I try to slow down and sit with it. I am not someone who wallows in negative feelings. But what I am trying to do here is to allow myself to really, truly feel the sensation of a given emotion. It is not easy. It is not easy to give and follow through on the permission to do so. It is extremely uncomfortable to be in that ‘sit with it’ moment – emotionally and physically.
Similarly, it is still very hard for me to change how, when, and with whom to share these feelings and emotions. The question often is – is this the right time? Is this the right context? Is this the right person? For an introvert and someone who is often trying to make other people happy and not upset them, it is not easy. I often default to not sharing, either because I am scared to share or because I do not want to bother other people. But I have come to realize that my usual tendency of keeping it in does not serve me well. There are situations that working through it myself might be the best. And then there are situations when sharing and saying it loud is critical.
I do not have a specific lesson to share or a big ‘aha’ revelation of how to handle this. But I am writing this for my introverts out there and those who pretend that they have everything under control without realizing or being willing to admit they have a storm boiling under the surface. I am writing this to invite you to take the time to feel through things, really look under the surface, and find the right space and person to share what you feel and need to work through. Unprocessed feelings are dangerous. They lead to grudges, anxiety, depression, resentment, arguments, and all kinds of other negative things. Feeling through it and sitting with it is uncomfortable, yet so important. As one of my friends often says – the only way out is through. Take the time to go through to get to your light on the other side.
