I have been thinking quite a bit lately about authentic living. What I mean by that is living in line with your values, pursuing your happiness, and fulfilling a purpose that you feel you have for the time on this earth. It also means standing up for what you believe in, developing relationships with those that you value, and taking the time to do what you love, what inspires you, and what makes you feel content.
It should be simple, yet, it often is not. There are societal expectations, family expectations, and our own expectations. There is fear of failure, fear of not being enough, fear of loss. There is judgment placed on us by others and the way we judge ourselves. There is guilt. There are practical needs. There are many things that make it challenging for us to live fully authentically, to fully pursue our happiness, purpose, and contentment.
And it is very individual, on multiple levels. While for some people living authentically comes pretty naturally, others find it more difficult. And the reasons for that vary from person to person. Also, what authentic living looks like for one person may be completely different from another. Nevertheless, what is uniting for most of us is that to live authentically requires that we truly understand ourselves and our interests, needs, and desires, and that we have the courage to pursue the path that we want for ourselves once we know what it is.
On the first point about truly knowing ourselves. There are some people who know from very early age what their calling is. I have a friend who from sixth grade when I met her knew she wanted to be a doctor and that is what she became and practices now. For me, I wanted to be a painter when I was little, then a teacher, athlete, tour guide, economist, development professional, writer, and the list goes on and I assume it will keep going throughout my life. There are people so passionate about certain cause that they are willing to dedicate all their free time, sleeping hours, and brain space to that cause. But I also know that for some, if not most people, it changes over time – what might have been very important to you in one stage of life may not bear as much importance a decade later. And that is also ok.
What’s most important is to be willing to do a certain level of introspection to know what the ‘it’ really is for you. And keep in mind, it may not necessarily be just one ‘it’, most of us will have multiple ‘its’ within the different areas of our lives from family to hobbies to professional aspirations. It also requires the willingness and flexibility to change over time. We grow as humans, we gain new experiences, and life molds and shapes us over time in different ways. It is ok to adjust over time and recognize that certain things no longer serve you and there are new ones that excite your spirit. What’s not ok or what’s dangerous for many in our society is to live by design, following a path that we think is expected, is common, is mainstream, and not ask ourselves if that is the path that we actually want.
The second part is courage, the courage to pursue your goals, purpose, and happiness. This is where a lot of us run into expectations, judgment, fears, and insecurities. Again, there are some for whom this is simple and straightforward. Some of my friends wanted a quiet family life, close group of friends, and cozy home place; they have that, are cultivating that, and are living happily spending time with those closest to them and caring for their loved ones. I have a friend for whom climbing and hiking mountains is what life revolves around, bringing a great level of contentment. Yet, for many people this is not as easy. Their dreams and interests are at odds with what their family expects, at odds with the society around them, and it takes a lot of pushing, trying, and standing up to pursue their path. There are others who are not confident enough that they have what it takes to pursue those dreams, so they watch from the sidelines, hoping that one day they will be able to finally pursue that path, but sometimes that ‘one day’ never comes.
Sometimes, it takes a bold step, that jump into freezing water while telling yourself sink or swim. Sometimes, and that is often my case, it takes a series of deliberate steps, planning, and practicing courage to over time move in the right direction. And this applies not only to actions, but also to what we say and how we stand up for what we believe in. It is rarely without bumps, fears, and pains along the road. You may be judged, but you should not let what others think bring you down. You may lose some things, but you should focus on what you are gaining instead along the way. You may be scared, but you know, and this is probably my favorite drop of wisdom – sometimes you may just need to do it afraid. You know in your heart that the journey will be worth it in the end.
There is nothing that brings me more joy than seeing friends and loved ones being happy, feeling fulfilled and confident, and doing what they love. There is so much good energy surrounding a person that has reached that stage and state of mind. I may not always fully understand their ‘it’ and it may be so far away from my ‘it’, but that’s the beauty – they found their own unique ‘it’ and all you need to do is to smile and be happy for them.
